Ella Pack Journal
September 15th, 1896. (She was 17)
For the first time this year, as I was walking down the pasture to milk the cows (for I have been a milk-maid for some time) there came to my ears the sound of a threshing machine. This sound, though not unpleasant, brought with it a sense of loneliness for it reminded me that “Old Winter” will soon be here for even now there is an undisputable tinge of yellow in the leaves of the tress, and the fresh green grass in the meadows is cut-down and lies filed in huge stacks in the stackyard, while the dried hay that lies scattered along the (??) reminds me that in the heavens the glades are timeless.
It takes me back to a time two years ago when Pearl and I had the Typhoid fever and when our cousin, Sadie, had just died of that loathsome disease. Oh, that dreary, lonely time. It makes me shudder to think of it. To see even a small piece of a dress that was worn by one of the family at that time, causes a flood of recollections to come over me that it is sometimes hard to dispel. School will soon be in session. That also brings with it a dismal thought. Why I wonder do nearly all the dismal thoughts and feelings come in the fall of the year. Is it not that the feelings of us human beings respond to the situations of things around us? Does not the heart seem light and the spirit gay in the Spring of the year Does not some new hope, some new ambition unfold with each unfolding leaf and blossom? Do not such hopes and ambitions wither and fall, as do the leaves in Autumn? I know it is thus with me. I know that my soul responds to each change of the elements. I know that when the sun shines and it is bright and warm, so also are my spirits. But I also know that when the sky is overcast, when the lightening and the thunder are clashing in the heavens, my spirits are always a vague undefinable dread takes possession of me, nor can I dispel it until my senses are lulled in sleep and I awake to the glory light of another morn.
I have been reading this morning a part of Owen Meredith’s “Lucille.” the language in this particular parts is lovely. ?? into my heart a great longing to become something good and noble. It made me feel that if I could only be a poetess, a musician such as Beethoven, or anything besides plain unaccomplished Ella Pack, that I could live contentedly and happily. But what is the use of being discouraged? I think it is a true sayings that composition of some persons that says something like this–
“This world is as we take it. And life, dear child, is what we make it.” So I think we should look on the bright side of things and make our lives as bright as possible. And how can we make our lives happy? Truly it has been said that if we strive to be noble and true, live with a clear conscience before heaven, and with this, strive daily for the happiness of others, our lives, if sometimes overcast, would lack nothing at the end. And each noble worth act would each day; add to our own joy and comfort. Oh I wish I were as good and true as many ?? there I have seen: and I think that it does lie in our power to be so, if we would only try.
There, I have given myself quite a lecture. I hope I will follow my own advice in this instance if no other.Yesterday, Pearl, Nam (?), Thyrza (?), Bob and myself went over to the cliffs for choke-cherries and enjoyed ourselves quite immensely. Last night some of us went to the school house to a Democratic meeting. It was quite interesting but grew to be tiresome before it was over. Delegates were appointed to attend the County Convention to be held at Coalville, on Wednesday September 16th. I wonder if I will ever get ambitions enough to study politics and learn whether I am a Democrat and want to vote that ticket or not. There is only four more years before I will be old enough to vote. If I am going to learn anything I had better be starting but I believe I am to lazy today to study anything of any account. Well I have finished Lucille. Oh how lovely, how glorious would it be to know that we were doing good, that we in some way were lighting the burdens of other, and bringing some poor fainting soul to a knowledge of the mission of life. Oh to be so noble and true that we would be loved and welcomed by all wherever we went would job beyond measure. Though Lucille’s past was darkened by sorrow, surely she found job knowing that she was looked upon as an angel of mercy and that she had saved many souls from error and caused them to lead better, nobler lives. I have been in the eat room quite a long time. It must be afternoon by this time, so I must quit writing and go down stairs. I guess ma and Pearl think I have deserted them.
October 3rd, 1896
Mr. Olson, our teacher, arrived last night. Inez and I spoke to him in Sunday School to-day. When we first saw him we had quite a difficulty to keep from laughing out loud and calling every ones attention to us, for he looked quite queer with his mustache shaved. School starts to-morrow “Oh dear,” is the only way I can find to express my feelings. I have read (in the Young Womans Journal I believe) that a journal or a private diary is the thing to confide all our secret thoughts and feelings to. (As I look for the remainder of this to copy it here I find that I have destroyed it. It was not of much consequence. Only something about it being the nature of girls at my age, 17, to be very romantic, especially if they have read novels as I have done. Something about myself and all my girl companions having an attraction which we could not quench if we so desire, toward the opposite sex, but as it was only human nature I was not ashamed of it.) (I believe I was intending to go on farther but something stopped my writing then and I did not again take up the subject.)
All of this I have written I wrote thinking to insert it in a journal I had previously written, but I desired to keep it so wrote it here, although I started my journal in real earnest on the 21st of Jan., 1897.
January 21th, 1897
Many times since I have been old enough to understand, in a measure, and to have an interest or an object in life, aside from mere childish pleasure, I have had it in my mind to keep a diary or a record of things that transpire in my life, and also what I know of things that happen in the lives of others. In this journal I will also write my thoughts and feelings as far as I have power to express them in words. In four days from to-day, on the 25th of this month, I will be eighteen (18) yrs. old, but there are many things in my past life that give me pleasure to reflect upon and which I would like to record here, were my memory sufficient to supply me with the necessary details. As I sit in school to-day with the fresh breeze coming through the open window, (for it is very warm weather for January) visions of the past crowd thickly upon me. Now I see myself with my companions, with childish glee, taming the calves in the yard, climbing over barns and stables, sliding and keeling down the sleep sides of stacks, and performing various other feats that only children can execute and enjoy with the same degree of freedom that we did then; each day declaring, “this is the most fun I ever had in my life.” Then I see us in after life. Myself, with my three girl companions; Inez, Thyrsa, and Jamie; seem to have drawn ourselves away from all other society and formed a circle of our own. We have become so attached and united that we have often said that each one of us formed a fourth and that all combined made one whole, nor is one complete without the others. WE seem to visit with no one but ourselves and spend our spare time inwalking through the streets together in the eveningwalking or sitting in the Meadows, which seem to whisper our thoughts and to have become a very part of ourselves. Often have sat by the falls in those dear old meadows and indulged in day dreams. Often have we expressed our desire to be buried beneath the old tree under which we sat. Often have we foolishly said that the old tree dying inch by inch and branch by branch was symbolical of our lives, and that when death should end our lives on this earth the old tree would die with us.
January 21st, 1897
Many flowers have we gathered in this spot, and one bouquet that we gathered in the spring of ’95, is withered and dead in an old box at home. One momento I have to which I have become very much attached. June 23rd, 1895: we were down by the falls, but the water was low and only a drizzling strain flowered over the bank. Removing shoes and stocking, and with dresses and unmentionables hitched up, we waded in the stream. Janie was not there but Inez, Thyrza, and myself each found a clam shell which we brought home and painted, while with a spray of forget-me-nots, the inscription “Meadow,” and our initials on one side and June 23rd, 1895 on the other. We always had peculiar feelings when in the meadows which we termed the “meadow feeling” and we found a verse which describe it in this way.
A feeling of sadness and longing
That is not a heir to pain
And resembles sorrow, only,
As the mist resembles rain.”
Well, I am out of the humor of writing and will lay this away until another time.
February 8th, 1897.
At school again, Time 2:40 P.M. Today is Monday and after an absence of over two a weeks on account of a severe cold I am again at dreary old school. It seems to me that school and I do not go very well to-gether this year, for restlessness and longing, which I sometimes think I shouldn’t harbor, take possession of me most every day. How I sometimes long for Summer and the dear old times when Jean was not sick and could be with us in all our rambles and conversations. Now when we see her we have to check any lively mirth lest the excitement should cause her heart to be worse. Poor girl! I hope it won’t be long before she will be as well as usual. A week ago yesterday Inez Thyrza and myself went up to Ivy’s and spent the afternoon with Jean. We got to telling her of all that had happened while she had been sick. We laughed quite a good deal and gassed with the freedom that only we four can enjoy. Then Ives and Ivy came and Ivy got supper for us. It seemed quite like old time. We had the table to ourselves, one of us on each side as we had so often been before. We went from there to Mutual and Charley Neil took Inez home. Last Wednesday Inez and I went to Joe Warr’s in a rutter. We stopped and got Jean and afterwards we all three went for a ride. We stoped at the schoolhouse at recess and got Thyrza and we all rode a few rods. Thyrza, Inez and myself made a handkerchief box pit pf sea foam work and gave it to Janie. She was very much pleased with it.
Yesterday we went to Sunday School and meeting, then went and say Jean. She seems much better the last two or three days and we all feel quite encouraged. All night we went to the conjoint mutual. On the way home we met Charley Neil. He came down to our house with the rest of the Buttermilk crowd. Thyrza went out of the back door and home. Inez tried to do the same but I wuld not let her go until Charley had left. Then she went home and the sleigh he was in on the way, Charley jumped out and took her home. The result is she has a partner for the coming theatres. Ben Pack and I went over to Inez’s the same night, just for meanness and staid until Charley left.
Feb. 15th 1897
Monday, a week ago to-do, we all went to see the Johnson and Houtz Dramatic Company play the theatre entitled, “Jack O’Diamond. It was lovely. Of course, as usual, we all fell in love (in our way) with the Hero, Jack Diamond. Then what we liked better still, Ray Westwood and Phebe Philips, both of whom we met a year ago last July at Springville, were with the company. (I always do love to think of that trip to Springville and seeing those two people brought it back to me with great force) We heard they spoke of us and wondered where we lived. We met Ray Westwood on the street, two or three times but he did not know us and were too bashful to speak to him. Tuesday we went to the play entitled, “Linwood.” It was good but not so good as the first. After the theatre we went to the other hall to the dance. The West Bros. from Ogden furnished the music. It was lovely but somehow I would not enjoy dancing as much as usual. I received an introduction to Mr. Work, the Oakley schoolteacher. I talked to him quite a bit. Danced in a set opposite Ray Westwood, took a good look at him without being rude, but did not speak. Wednesday went to the theatre entitled “The Black Flog.” It was a fizzle. Part of the scenery fell down in the middle of one act, Ray W. was on the stage, and he jumped and caught it. Phebe Philips laughed and could not say her part for quite a while. Many other accidents occurred and we were all glad to get home. Theatre company left Thursday. Since then we have been struggling with the blues as we always do when any one leaves the town. Inez and I declare that Ray has gone off with our hearts but Thryza likes Jack better; he is married though. Went to a dance last Friday. Prizes were given for best waltzers. Mr. Koyle and Lucy Smithers took the first prizes. Oh what a horrible feeling I had after that dance. I will not attempt to describe it. Saw Ethie Malin and Marre Sleinbridge there. I danced the prize dance with Bert Maxwell. Visited Hatty and Ethie to-do. Ate supper with them.
March 10th 1897
On the 19th of February, Thare, Lizzie, Eva, Lilie Knolwton; Pearl, Inez, Thyrza and myself dressed in sheets and pillow cases and went to a masquerade ball. We did not think of it until after four o’clock but we went and had a pretty good time. Some knew who we were, some did not. Before we went we decided between us, that if any one asked us what we represented we would tell them, Angels, and when plied with questions we did so. I will write a conversation I had with Mr. Koyle while dancing with him. Not because I think it more interesting than many other conversations I have had, but because it is a type of many of the questions we were plied with. Mr. Koyle is a very good dancer and I like to dance with him. He is also gifted remarkably with talk and when he chooses can flatter one until if she chose to believe him, she would be highly exalted in her own opinion. Some time I want to write a few of the conversations I have had with him. Well, on dancing with him on this particular occasion, his first question was,
Well, what are you ladies representing to-night?
Why! Angels of course!
O-o-oh! I took you to be ghosts, but of course if I had thought a moment I would have known you were angels.
Certainly! I should think you could tell that by one look at us.
Well I hardly thought you looked like angels, because, you see, I have sometimes fancied that I looked like an angel myself.
And you didn’t think we looked exactly like you?
Well then that was where you made a great mistakes, when you thought you looked like an angel.
This ended the conversation until we were going to our seats, then he told me that when he first saw us it frightened him so he ran away and did not dare to come back for quite a long time. As he seated me he said to LIzzie, by where I sat. “What do you think she told me?
I don’t know—what?
That you are angels.
Lizzie assured him that it was so and with a few other jesting remarks, he went away.
I had been introduced to Mr. Work, the Oakley school teacher, no, the dance before this and he told me I looked quite phantom like, quite ghost-like, I told him I fell that way all buy my face. My face, I know was scarlet from the effects of dancing and wearing mask, Went to dance the next Friday. The next Friday after that was a prize dance for the poorest-lady and gentleman waltzer. Of all dancing I ever say, I believe there was the worst. They gave the prize for the poorest to Eva and Will Williams. The next poorest to Lulu and Uncle Don. (Uncle Don, by the way, went to Salt Lake City Saturday expected to be married to Emma Lambert to-day.) They spent the money they got to treat the dance to candy and nuts. Of course, they were not the poorest dancers, but they put it on as much as they could. Charley Leonard was heard to remark that he didn’t see why they gave the prizes to ones that really were good dancers. He didn’t seem to realize that that was the bets way, as in the other case the ones that got the prizes would be offended. I really have forgotten whether there has been any more dances since then or not, but I do know that a week from last night Sunday we had a rousing good time, in the following manner. Inez, Thare and I went to aunt Salley’s after meeting and stayed there until Mutual. On our way down we met Charley Neil and Rob with a sleigh. They asked us to get in and they would take us to meeting. We did so. Heard John Seymour speak. He has just returned from a mission.
I was on the program for an organ selection. Played Wild Flower. The live Whites and Ed Hartin were also to meeting. After meeting of course we were invited to ride and Pearl, Inez and myself were invited to stay in after the crowd that rode down from meeting had got out, which we did. Here is where our fun came in. Enjoyed ourselves immensely gassing and talking, but I fancy we were not game enough for them by a few of their expressions. Dave White put his arm around Inez, but of course she moved and wouldn’t stand it. I believe Jim tried to do the same with me but I wouldn’t stand it either. The great big Donkeys them! They must have thought they were out with cranks but they found out their mistake. Charley Neil and Ed Hortin kept their places and acted all right as far as I know. We got home at 10 or half past by the clock. Last Monday night we all went to a surprise on Grandma Pack, she being eighty years old that day. Thryza, Inez, Thare and I sang “Come to me gentle dreams.” All the young folks sang, “We sat by the river.” Thare; Ann and I sang the “Dismal Swamp.” I sang alto. We sang the song for Grandma’s benefit because Grandpa used to sing it so much.
Last night twenty two (22) of us went to Mr. Nubeys to see Miss Paul who is going to leave for Salt Lake City, her home. Had a very good time. Played cards, laughed and joked, had candy, nuts, chocolate and cake for refreshments. Miss Paul recited two pieces. Orl and Thare sang, “My Heland Home.” Orl sang “The song that searched my heart,” and Inez, Thare, Thyrza and myself sang, “Do they think of me at home.” Got home at half past twelve. Tomorrow there is going to be a dance. We all will go as the Park City band will furnish the music. I could write much more now I have got started but it is bed time and oh! I believe I am sleepy. We haven’t been to school for two weeks and though we wont own it I believe we have stoped for good. (April 14th. Yes we have stoped for good and school closes one week form next Friday.)
March 28th 1897
I have such a strange feeling to-day. It is the same that I always have in the Spring, but mingled with it is a feeling of dreariness and my thoughts seem to go back to sometime in the past, but what time and what circumstance connected with it I do not know. To-do is Sunday and I have been to Sunday school. The wind is whistling around the corners of the house and there is a suspicion of snow in the air. I have many feelings mingled to-do but the most prominent one is the blues. Perhaps it is a reaction from the fun we had last night, but I will speak of that in its order. Well, on the 26th we went to the dance but were disappointed because the Park City people who were intending to come failed to do so. The music was good but somehow I can’t say that I had a very good time. I forgot to speak about going to Park City on the 25th of this month. Fera took Thare, Lea and I over to do some shopping. We were only there about three hours but I enjoyed myself because it was such a rest to see strange faces and strange sights. Oh I am so sick of the old Kamas streets and of doing nothing but dance, dance, dance, all the time that I don’t know what to do. Almost every dance is alike here and when you have been to one you might say you have been to them all. I am now living in hopes of going to Vernal with Thare and Fera when they go. Well now about last night. About 20 of us went in a hay rack down the meadows to Freds stack for a load of hay. We tumbled over the hay, pushing each other off the stack and all together had a wild frolic. We all rode up on the load which was swaying to and fro and threatening to tip over. The moon was not up but there were numerous starts which shining on the snow gave us a very pleasant light. (April 14th I have made a mistake and put this piece in my book in the wrong place)
March 23rd 1897.
I have just returned from Young Ladies Meeting and some way I don’t feel like writing but I want to tell of things that have transpired since I last wrote. Of course I went to the dance I spoke of in my writings of March 10th 97. The music was fine. Enjoyed dancing quite well. Received an introduction to a Mr. Wilkins from Peoa. Danced lots but I didn’t quite relish the idea of having to say, “Excuse me I am engaged”, to two or three persons nearly every time I danced. Went to supper with Orl. Last Monday all of girls went a sleigh ride and had a fine time. Jean went with us. Got stuck in the mud in front of Carpenters Store but succeeded in pulling out by a supreme effort on the part of the horses considering they did not know which to obey, the numerous cries of “get up,” from the sleigh or the ones of, “Whoa” from the ground in front of the store. These cries were from the loafers you see. On the next Sunday we went to Conjoint Mutual. I felt like a stuffed punkin or some other horrible thing because being secretary of the Young Ladies Association, I had to sit right in the front of the stage and read and take the minutes. The Oakley boys were there and we rode home with them. On the 17th, St. Patricks day, the boys took all the old ladies a sleigh ride so we girls decided to take the old gentlemen. When we got out we found we had quite a procession. I will describe it on its way to Oakley. Of course there was a profusion of green every where. First came the boys with the old ladies. There was a large sleigh load and it was drawn by six horses. The five boys were on an elevated seat in front. They all had green on their hats and there was a green flag composed of sister Alwoods cape hoisted on a whip stock. Next in order came our sleigh of 8 girls, 20 women, and to 6 old gentlemen. We had the stars and stripes very prettily arrange all around the box. The American Flag hoisted at one end of the sleigh and a large Irish green flag at the other. These floated picturesquely in the breeze and every one said they looked lovely. Our sleigh was drawn by four horses driven by Lizzie and Thare. Next came Ott and Parley dressed in Ma’s and Aunt Lucy’s dresses in a queer looking cutter that the old doctor used to have. Two lumber teams that feel in on the way completed the procession, and we passed through Oakley singing and laughing. Mr. Work and some of his scholars were in front of the school house when we passed. We all returned home feeling refreshed for our out. Last Sunday went to Sunday School, Meeting and Mutual. After meeting went to see Jean. She has moved down home. Dr. Gregor had been to see her. He performed an operation. I believe she is on the improve now. Well I am in a hurry as Ma has gone to bed with a special instructions for me to remember my failing and go to bed. It is now 20 minutes to eleven.
April 13th 1897.
I did think I would not write anymore in my Journal until something interesting happened, but some how every time I go to Young Ladies meeting (as I have been to-night), the spirit of writing attacks me. I spoke a few words in meeting to-night. This is the third time and I spoke more than I did either time before but goodness known I did not speak long then. Last night we went to a show or theater by the Woodland Dramatic Co. It was horrid. There was a dance after it. I enjoyed dancing quite well although the music was tuff and I felt lost without Inez and Thyrza. I danced twelve times handrumming without stopping, then came home. Lizzie went with Mr. Work.
April 21st 1897.
Last Saturday we went to a theater by the Kamas Dramatic Co. Last Sunday Thyrza, Inez and I sang in Mutual. Day before yesterday, Thyrza Inez and I went down the meadows. Had the same Meadow Feeling as usual. We decided that each of us would write a story, a description of Nature or anything we chose just so it was our own composition, and put it in a hole in our old tree in the meadows then every two weeks we will gather there and read them. I don’t know how long we will keep this up. Last night we went to a dance. Thyrza was not there but Inez was and we all had a pretty good time. The dance was free: It was given by the building committee for those who have worked on the meeting house. It seems like I can never stop when I get started to write and I fear my journal will be kind of tiresome if I keep on in this way. I don’t know as there is any use in telling about every dance I go to. Suffice it to say they are all nearly the same. We go to them often and if anything happens not of the usual order then is the time to write it.
May 10th 1897.
Well it has been quite a while since I last wrote and nothing very extraordinary has happened but I will be brief and state what has happened in as few words as possible. On the 26th of April it being just one week from Easter Sunday, Jo Inez, Thryza and myself suddenly took it into our heads to have an easter dinner down the meadows. Accordingly about half past four found us seated under our old tree, the cloth spread on the ground and covered with dishes and the eatables which we had taken with us while nearby under another tree our camp fire blazed and cracked merrily. Having finished our meal we were lying down enjoying the ripple of the water as it clashed over the bank when we were suddenly surprised by the advent of four boys on the scene, Chunk, Tom, Will and Sam Turnbow. We gave them the remains of our meal and after they had finished eating they challenged us to a game of backout. We crossed the poles over the stream safely but on our return, (why I wonder do all the accidents seem to fall to my lot?) I slipped on one pole and it suddenly tipped down. I lost my balance and the next instant, after an heroic jump found myself emerged above my knees in the cold water while, after the excitement had quieted down, the rest of our party stood on the bank convulsed with laughter at the comical expression my face wore. The campfire was rekindled and after some time I succeeded in getting somewhat dry and we departed for home.
The meadows are grand now. The water is level with the bank and the falls extend much farther along the bank. The violets and snow drops are starting to bloom. On the 5th of May, Inez and I succeeded in getting a cart and an odd looking white horse and went down to Hoytsville to the Young Ladies Conference. Pres’t Taylor and one of her aids, Sister Goddard, were there. We had lovely meetings and were introduced to the sisters. Staid that night at Ethie Maxlins at Rockport. They were very sociable and we enjoyed our stay very much. Last Friday was the Primary Conference at Kamas. I was put in as second counselor to May Burbidge of the Primary Association of Kamas. I hardly like the position but intend to do the best I can. Last Saturday Rob took Thyrza Inez and I down to Rockport to see a ball game between Rockport and Park City. After the game every one, nearly, seemed to be teasing us to stay to the dance. We were seated in the buggy undecided whether to stay or go when De Malin pumped into the jumped into the carriage and sent us flying down the street to his home. That seemed to decide for us and we stayed. Flora and Lill Mitchell and Mr. Work (whose name, by the way is, I believe, Charley) stayed also. We went to the dance, were introduced to quite a number of the Rockport and Park City boys, and all together had a very good time. I had been to three dances in Vernal while I was there but that Rockport was the first time we had been to a dance out of Kamas, in our lives, except then. When we went to Rockport I mean. We had been gassing with the Rockport girls and had arranged to trade one of the Kamas boys for three of the Rockport. We were to have our pick, and being unable to decide said we would draw cuts, we did not do it though. Ethie came to us when the dance was out and said Charley Hortin wanted to know if he was going to be chosen. If so he wanted to go home with us then. When we were going back to Malins, De informed us that he had traded three Rockport girls for one Kamas girl and that he was coming to Kamas to see which one he wanted. At last we decided that the ones that were traded for could hardly leave home very often so as there is going to be a telephone line extended form Kamas to Coalville we would have a private telephone in each house and talk with each other when we pleased. What nonsense people can talk when they try and I do believe we exerted ourselves that night in Rockport. We arrived home safe and sound but very sleepy at three o’clock Sunday morning.
June 1st 1897.
The fair month of May has passed away. How time does fly when one thinks back to the winter yet when thinking of the present it seems to drag so slowly so monotonously that it is almost every time I write in my Journal it is nearly always in a tone of discontent and unrest. A person who read the account of the many parties that I have made an account of here would think that my associates and myself hadnt so much to complain of after all, but that person would not know our nature as we do ourselfes and how we long to know something of the world to receive a good education and advance in things pertaining to life outside of the little town of Kamas. And why should we not be as contended as our sisters who are older? I think I hear some persons remark. I will tell you why. Now here were we last year at this time. Four girls, along, I might say, for while it is true that there are other in the place beside us, we associate very little with them. And why? because we are of that age that were we are not associated with the crowd younger than us, nor yet with those who are older. We are the only ones of our age and being all girls what else could we do but make a crowd, an immense crowd of four, of our own. We have become so attached and used to each other that we are of almost the same mind and we feel odd and strung up when we are with any one but ourselves. We have become so accustomed to laugh and talk with each other and to make enjoyment and fun out of simply nothing that when we are on the street together we almost continually have a smile on our faces whether we are enjoying ourselves or not and I sometimes wonder if the people we meet think we are perfect fools when we can not repress the smile try as we will, whether the person is a strange or not. Well we are the same, this year except one thing, Jean is sick; have been ever since July last year. She has been in bed nearly all the time since Christmas, and the pain and even torture that she has indured I guess no one but herself could tell. Once in a while she is much better and we all feel she is going to speedily recover, but the next time we go to see her she is so much worse and is feeling so much discouraged and is down hearted that the same spirit is infused into us and try as we will we can say very little to encourage and cheer her. Now, of course, we feel as if a part of our being is taken away and we are becoming accustomed to the “We Three” instead of “We Four.” We go into the meadow as usual, and, although they are just as lovely and we love them as dearly as we did, they too seem deprived of many of their allurements. Though we are but 18 and 19 years of age , we have of late, pronounced the dismal verdict “We are growing old.” Well now as to the others. There is Lizzie and Lu and Iva, they are all that they are left unmarried of the girls in the old crowd. Now the boys they have to associate with are Fred, Dan, [unreadable], Ben, Orl, Sam Turnbow, Horace, Stevens, John Hoyt—and Ben Mitchell. Last Tuesday they were over to the Park to a circus. Last Saturday they were to Coalville to a ball game and went to a dance there at night. Last Monday or last night they were at a dance at Kamas. Jode Fisher and three of the Caalville girls were there. Ben took the girls over and introduced them to the Coalville people and they had someone new to talk to. Inez and I were there. We danced but had ourselves and no one but ourselves to talk to except when we were dancing and some one who could not find another seat happened to sit by us and say a few words. Well there is Nan, Lizzie Thomas and Pearl. They are a new addition to the old crowd and besides having all I have mentioned to associate with there is Chunk, Will, Tom and Parley. Lizzie and Nan have been in Salt Lake going to school all winter and are there still. Nan and Pearl were there winter before last and Pearl went there one week ago last Sunday and is there still. Next to us I think their lot has been harder than any. They were four but Sadie died and they are now but three. There is us. We have no boys in our crowd if we go any place we have to rustle for ourselves or go tease Rob to take us. It is true a few Sundays ago Thryza and I went a ride with Dave White and Ed Hortin, but I don’t believe they wanted us and it makes me mad to think of it. Dave White is a stinking little soft-head. Ed Hortin may be all right for all I know but I don’t know anything about him. Charley Neil has been up the last four or five Sundays but we hate him and would have ran away and left him if we could have done so. I didn’t get up till twelve oclock to-day because I was to the dance last night and over slept myself. The wind is blowing and I feel pretty cross but just wait until I see Inez and Thyrza and I wont feel so any longer.
July 3rd 1897.
I returned last Saturday, from a trip which made me feel almost the reverse from what I did when I last wrote in my Journal. It was a trip which afforded me much pleasure and if I could find language which would express my feelings on this trip it would give me much pleasure to read it. A week ago last Friday, June 18th, found Thyrza, Inez and I lively preparing for a trip to Springville. We slept that night at Aunt Lucy’s and the next morning, at six oclock we were folding the streets of Kamas is a lumber wagon, Southward bound and in very jubilant spirits at the prospect before us. We passed the cliffs on the Provo River at an early hour and I think that no more appreciative eyes ever gazed on their beauty than ours. We always have been ardent lovers of Nature and it seemed to me that there was scarcely a spot within our range of vision that escaped our notice and comment. We are especially proud of the cliffs because they are so near our home, and they showed to good advantage this particular morning. The sky was slightly clouded, but not enough to give us the blues as cloudy weather usually does. The great rocks in almost every shape were very near the road; some of them so near that as we looked up at them through the trees it almost seemed that at any moment they would break from their fastenings and crush us beneath them. There is one huge rock which covers a sort of a cave; it was in this cave that John Smith killed a panther three years ago. HE had to go in on his hands and knees and he must have had extra courage or foolhardyism to attempt it. There are large openings in the rocks, which are the mouths of caves. I have not been in these caves myself but many or all of the crowd have been, and they say they are very interesting. The walls are covered with peculiar characters such as animals and other figures. Well we progressed on our way passing through Heber and Charleston. We also saw Midway at a distance. I guess we must have looked quite peculiar with our sunbonnets judging from the smiles with which the passers by greeted us. We reached Provo canyon somewhat tired but fully alive to the beauties it presented. Now and then we would find ourselves on high dugways from which we could look to beautiful green valleys through the centre of which the river runs, so still and calm that scarcely a riple can be heard. Then again we were on a narrow road and the river ran close beside us, so close that we could almost feel ourselves tipped from the wagon and doused in the water; and we certainly would have been if the road had not been so smooth. WE camped for the second time that day in a very pretty place, and we three becoming restless started out on foot leaving aunt Lucy and Parley to come when they got ready. We walked on quite a distance and still seeing no sign of our team coming, and fishermen and teams being quite numerous along the road, we began to look at the dangerus side of the question. We looked behind us and could see nothing but tall mountains composed of rock in layers, so that I gave the appearance of a very steep very wide flight of stairs. A stream of water from some hiden lake in the tops of the mountains, dashed over the rocks and desolved itself into spray. We gave it the name of the Bridal Vale Falls. We, however, could not see them from the point in the road we were at past then. We looked in front of us and could see nothing but the same mountain chain continued, while the road narrowed into a picturesque dugway, blasted in the rocks, where if two teams met goodness know what would be done for I believe it would be impossible for them to pass. The river at this point, having more fall, dashed and foamed over its rocky bed in a most threatening manner. Well, as I said, we began to look at the dangerous side of the question, and the more we thought the more we became alarmed, or at least—I did; so we seated ourselves on a projecting shelf in the rocks and decided to wait; We had been there but a moment when a dust ahead of us warned us of an approaching team. I immediately insisted on us taking to our heels and going back the way we had come, but as the team rounded the bend in the road we saw that it was only a load of hay with a single man, and I contented myself with picking up a rock in case of need, and we all steped down to the edge of the river and waited while it passed. Well it was not long in doing so and we resumed our seat on the rock but were again startled by another dust. This time it was a buggy with two young men in it and we were on our feet in an inkling. “Come on,” exclaimed Thyrza, and started back up the road at a rapid pace. “Well Thyrza, are you going to get scared too? And Inez seemed situated to follow us. We told her we did not like the looks of those men, though I am sure they were not near enough for us to see what they did look like. This was all at needed and this time we did take to our heels in a most remarkable manner, though I am quite positive the young men in question saw us make our rapid retreat. We suddenly became ware that run as we might the buggy would soon overtake us so we stood at the side of the road and turned resolutely to face the foe. We were not frightened, oh no; but brim full of merriment and a little excited because we had worked ourselves up to such a pitch in trying to outrun their horse and hide ourselves from view. One of the young men did not appear to our hasty glance to be very prepossessing, but the other appeared to be remarkable good looking. I think they must have known why we were running for they were both laughing and our? Good looking man turned to us with a laughing face and a pleasant, “hall girls” as the carriage passed. We did not answer him and attended to look at them very seriously but merriment got the upper hand and before they passed we were laughing also. We named him John because of his remarkable resemblance to a school teacher of ours that we liked immensely. Mr. John Bradford. Well we went onward and at last came in sight of our team, but we suddenly turned about and “took to our hells again” and when they came up with us we were seated comfortable once again on our rock at the side of the road. After a few hours travel we came to Provo City. We admired greatly the smooth even lawns and the public buildings, especially the Insane Esylum. A drive of six miles brought us to Springville. It is a very pretty place and we waited in anticipation of new streets, new buildings, new faces, and above all new acquaintances to make. Well I am tired now and will finish this another time.
July 4th 1897.
Well today is the Fourth of July and it is also Sunday. I guess there is nothing better that I can do than finish my trip to Springville. We reached there about half past 6 o’clock on Saturday night; and were at once made perfectly at home by Ida and her husband, Chauncey Whiting. We spent that night in becoming acquainted with our surroundings, and recruiting up after our long journey. We also went that night and visited the spot where Ida’s new house is to be built. We were in the morning to find that the landscape around was very beautiful, it being somewhat foggy we could not so distinctly the night before. Our house as we called it is situated on quite a high bench and although our immediate surroundings were not very grand the view from there was lovely. Provo City, with its buildings and tress could be seen off to the Northwest and Spanish Fork to the Southwest. And directly in front to the west the main part of Springville lay, while the clear blue sweep of Utah Lake stretched farther westward, bordered by a chain of low even hills. When the sun was setting this view was inspiring. The mountains on the East and South shone massive and rugged in its rays while the sun itself reflected like a ball of fire in the waters of the lake. It being Sunday we dressed ourselves and went to meeting. Of course we saw a great many strangers. We met aunt Lucy’s father and her brother, Jim, and were introduced to them.
July 5th 1897.
I was interrupted in my writing yesterday but I mean to persevere and perhaps I will finish this sometime. After meeting was out we overtook some bodies who were going up the sidewalk. Were introduced to two or three, among them Mrs. Westwood, Will and Ray Westwood’s mother. She seemed very nice, told us to be sure and call on her, said Will would be very glad to see us that he never had got over talking about the good time he had when he was up to Kamas. We then went down and Lucy’s sisters, Lizzie Harmers, There were none of the boys in the house when we got there but in a few minutes they came in. Mell was the first. He surprised us he was so tall and although we had seen his picture, I don’t think Thyrza and I would have known him if we had not heard aunt Lucy call him by name. He kissed aunt Lucy and Inez (the first time Inez had ever kissed him) and was then introduced to us. Will Harmer knew us and shook hands with us after greeting Aunt Lucy and Inez. (I suppose he knew us by our pictures if he didn’t any other way, as we were looking through their albums one night and came across our pictures.) We had never seen Vern and expected to see a kid when we did and a bashful one at that but here we were surprised again when he came in later than the rest. He is as large of not larger than Rob and decidedly not half so bashful. We found him the most easy of all of them to get acquainted with. We all went down to Aunt Lucy’s fathers with Nora Harmer and had supper after which we again went to Harmers. They are really very sociable. We did enjoy hearing them all talk and gass, especially Mell, he is so dry and slow we all liked him very much, in fact we liked all the family immensely, except the father or Mr. Albert—as we called him. I believe Will was the most sociable. IT seemed like he was trying all the time to find something to make us enjoy ourselves. Thyrza, Inez, Mell and myself went out on the poarch to sit and were soon found by Vern, Will, Parley, Rondo, Spaffford, and Nora. We staid there until time for the lecture then we set out again for the meeting house. I don’t know how it happened, but some way Inez and Mell, Thyrza and Vern, and Will and myself got quite a ways ahead of the rest and we got separated by the crowd. They said we were fast walkers. Mell said “we are trying to run away from you old folks.” We passed by an ice cream parlor. Will Harmer suggested that we go in but Mell seemed to want to go to one farther down. While they were deciding the point the others caught up with us, and the matter was referred to them and it was decided to wait until after meeting. Mell did not want to go to the lecture and tried to get Inez to go some place else with him, so when we reached the meeting house, Aunt Lucy, Inez, Thyrza, Will and myself were all that were in. After it was out we were again joined by the others. Inez, Thyrza and Mell started off in the wrong direction, we called to them so Inez and Thyrza suddenly whirled about and came back. I guess Mell went on; at any rate he did not follow us and we saw no more of him that night. WE went back to the ice cream parlor and had some ice cream. Will and Vern took us back to Ida’s in a wagon and staid there a few minutes. After they were gone we all went to bed and to sleep. Next day we all went down town to do some shopping. Went to Deal’s store and got Thyrza and Nan each a dress, also went to the milliner shop and got a hat for Inez. From there we again went to Harmers. Thryza, Inez, and I went out and sat in the shade of a large apple tree on the lawn. Vern again surprised us by coming and talking to us. We could not help seeing the difference in him and the Kamas boys of his age being called to supper we went into the house. Mr. Albert said he was going to kiss every one that sat on his lawn and commenced by grabing Inez and kissing her. Thryza and I ran through the bedroom ran through the bedroom and tried to get out doors. I succeeded but he caught Thyrza and kissed her. We all dislike that man and though I guess we did not try to feel differently toward him I don’t think we would have done so as we had. After super we three went out to take in the town. We walked until we were nearly dead and met Riley. He told us Ida and aunt Lucy had gone home so we started to follow them. We saw Nora Harmer and she tried to get me to stay with her all night, but we thought we had to go so she made us promise we would stay next night. We arrived home, as we thought at the time, more dead than alive. We thought perhaps we would go to Spanish Fork, Friday night, to a dance; so as we had nothing much to do we went, Tuesday morning, down town, got some to read, returned and commenced to make Thyrza’s dress, Parley, Inez, Thyrza and I went down town after sun down and went to Harners as we had promised. Nora and we three started out for a walk, or to go “bumming” as she called it. Called for Phibe Philips on our way. I must confess I was kind of disgusted, if I may so term it, with those girls, for they hallowed to every one we met and had every one looking at us. They were determined to pass in front of every crowd of boys they could see, and even whistled one man out of the hotel, then ran when they saw him coming. Well I can’t describe how we slept that night for we slept three in a bed, it was awful hot, and we had a strong delusion that someone was passing through our room all night and we did not dare to run over ourselves. We got on early next morning and were making our bed, when Mell and Parley walked through our room. I guess they did not know we were in know we were in there. As luck would have it we had no buckles missing and were presentable. All day Wednesday we spent at Nora’s and nearly died with the heat Went over to Spafford’s a short time. At night we went to Harmers to an ice cream party. Nora and we three went for a short walk, returned to find Sarah and Phebe Philips there so we girls started for their horse to get some sauce dishes. Met Mell and Ellis Harmer on our way. Nora introduced us to Ellis in the three miss Packs. The Philips girls also included themselves in the introduction and bowed (?) so profusely that the ice was at once broken and we became acquainted in short order. We kept up a lively talk all the way three and back, also when while we were waiting for Phebe to bring the dishes out.
July 14th 1897.
Upon reaching Harmers, Inez, Phebe, Sarah, Norah, Mell and Ellis [?] took a streak (?) and went down to see the train coming. Thyrza and I did not know they were going and that is how we were left to eat ice cream at the first table while they ate at the second. After ice cream we spent a short time talking and gassing then we girls said we were going down to the depot again and leave the boys there. A race insued and many of the boys reached there as soon as we did. Well we watched another passenger train come in and while there were introduced to Levi Philips. We left the depot and decided to go up town. Sarah Philips follow had come and she had to go home. While the others were standing on the corner, Vern, Thyrza, Inez and myself ran a race. Vern and I came out on head and I guess if we had run any further he would have been the winner as I was beginning to lag, but I grabbed his coat tail and by this means stopped the race. Sarah having left we all of us them proceeded on our way up town. We walked through the square, Inez and Thyrza and Vern leading, then came Will Harmer and I, Parley and Rinda Stafford, Norah, Phebe Philips and Ellis Harmer. Mell and Marth Spafford did not come through the square with us, and we saw no more of them that night. We walked north about 4 or 5 blocks past the bridge. Nora Phebe Philips and Ellis Harmer got quite a way behind and when we returned, they, with Ray Westwood, whom we had met; were seated on some steps on the sidewalk. We were introduced to Ray Westwood and to our surprise he said he believed he had met us before. I think Nora must have told him who we were. I wonder why it is that people can enjoy themselves better with strangers, saying and doing the very same things that they do at home, than they can with those with whom they have always been acquainted. I do not know, but we did enjoy ourselves very much that night, and in fact; nearly all the time we were down there. Parley took Rinda home and Inez; Thyrza and Vern, Will and I, Ray Westwood, and Phebe and Ellis and Nora, all seated ourselves in a string in the window of Renolds’ store to rest and talk. I guess we sat there about half an hour and when we reached Harmers again it was twelve o’clock and still no signs of Parley. Aunt Lucy was pretty vexed at us for staying out so late and was in a hurry to et home so Will and Vrn hitched up our team and as aunt Lucy was afraid for us to drive home without Parley we called to Spaffords for him. Disturbed him and Rinday, Mell and Martha sitting on the front door step. Thursday we finished Thyrza’s dress and were fully determined not to go down town that day, but as the sun commenced to go down we grew restless and at Parleys request dressed ourselves to go and visit Gertie Harrison. We saw Will and Vern on main street. Will found us and walked as far as Boyers where he was to attend teachers meeting. He said afterwards he looked all over for us after meeting but could not find us. That was very natural too as not finding Gertie at home, we walked as far south as the bicycle track and then went back to Ida’s. Friday being Spanish Fork day of course we were anxious tog et Parley off down town to see if they were all going, and he had seemed as anxious to go as we, but to our discomfort Gertie Harrison and her cousin, Bell Huntington, hearing that we were in town came to see us. That settled Parley and he had no desire or seemed to have no desire but to remain and talk to them. We thought they were never going to leave and kept getting more nervous and more mad at Parley every minute.
July 15th 1897.
When at last they decided to leave, it was so late that we had given up all hopes of going to Spanish Fork, so upon Parley’s hitching up the team we all went down town. When Gertie and her cousin go out they told us if we did not go to Spanish Fork to come to choir practice that night. That settled Parley again and Spanish Fork also. Well when we reached Harmers we found that Nora was going but the rest had got an idea there was going to be no dance so at the appointed time we set off for choir practice. Will Harmer wanted to go to Spanish Fork then and said he would get a team and rig if we wanted to go. We told him we did but Parley thought we would have a better time at choir practice, and Ida thought it was too late, so at least we three got pretty spunk and told them to go to practice if they wanted to. If we did not show out to them that we were spunky we felt it pretty much ourselves. Well the choir being up in the gallery, Parley didn’t get only a peak at Gertie and we were glad of it. Ellis Harmer brought two girls, twin sisters, there. (How very prettily I am writing) They were in the choir so he sat talking to us. We left; before it was out; to get some ice cream and he came with us, intending of course to go back again. The cream that night was delicious. We each had two large dishes and we took our time to eat it. I don’t believe we realized how late it was for we were somewhat surprised, and I believe Ellis Harmer was quite put out (which of course he should have been) to find the meeting hose darkened and his girls gone without him. But he turned it off, said they knew the way home as well as he did and it would not hurt them to go alone. He had recently been trouble with the rheumatism and he said he would tell them he was taken suddenly and that Will Harmer had to take him home, that Will promised to see them home for him and when he went to do so they had gone. Will said Ellis would tell them some yarn then if they would have no more to do with him he would tell them it suited him if it did them and would care nothing more about it. He walked as far with us as Renold’s corner then after standing a while, talking about the moon, when they were coming up to Kamas and various other things, after Ellis inviting Parley to be sure and bring us to their house when we came down again, (he said, of course it was natural that girls should feel kid of shy in calling upon boys; but Parley would bring us we wouldn’t feel so) he went home and we returned to Harmers, where after bidding all good bye we returned to Ida’s, packed our clothes after twelve o’clock at night and went to bed. I have three boquets that I wore Wednesday, Thursday and Friday stowed away in my box now. Well we left Springville at six o’clock Saturday morning. We left Inez crying. Passed over the old road again (though to tell the truth we were too sleepy to notice it or even talk) and arrived home Saturday night. Since then I don’t believe a day has passed without us thinking of Inez and wishing that we were with her. We got a letter from her a week ago last Tuesday. She seems to be having a good time and making a good many acquaintances. Says Mell and his father have been having row, that Mell walked up town and sat in the square with her Sunday. We answered her letter the next day and you bet it contained a good deal of nonsense. Last night Jim White and Ed Hortin came to see Thyrza and I. Asked us to go to the swing with them which we did. We walked the streets then came here and sat on the front poarch. Nan and Pearl stole their horses and rode them for about two hours. They left at twelve o’clock. I will just state here lest I forget it that Ives and Ivy have a baby girl born in May. OH and Eve have a baby girl born at fifteen minutes to ten on the night of June 30th 1897. Maggie and Doris are here; for good may be. Seth Williams is a regular devil. Mame Griffith and Inez Knowlton are also here.
July 19th 1897.
Yesterday, Zva, Lu, Nora, Pearl, Inez Knowlton, Thyrza, Fraut Williams and I decided to go for a ride. When we got ready Chink and Will got in and went with us. We were in head of a wagon with two boys in it. They raised their hats and waved their hands at us and of course we answered them by smiling and waving our parasol. They started their horses on a lope and we thought they were trying to pass us so we started our horses as fast as they could go and were laughing so we could not hear them call to us. At last we passed a man who pointed at our wagon and judging from his manner that something was wrong we stopped to find that if we had gone much farther we would have had a serious break down. We nearly killed ourselves laughing when we stoped to think that those boys were running their horses to tell us something was broke while we were running ours to get away from them. We went to Steven’s and staid a while. Marie and Clarisa played the piano for us. I tried also but did not succeed very well as I had not tried to play on a piano but once before in my life. We got home after dark then Inez, Frank, Chunk, Will and myself went up to the swing. Ed Hortin and a Mr. Frasier were up. They passed our house three or four times but I guess they were afraid to come in. WE saw them up to the swing, also Ward Stevens, Walt Hortin and a number of others. I introduced Inez to Ed Hortin and we were introduced to MR. Frasier. Watched the moon rise then came home and went to bed.
July 27th 1897.
Well the 24th of July has passed and with it the great Pioneer Jubilee. It must have been something grad from what I hear, but of course I staid home as did Pearl and Mag & Eve while the rest of the family went, or at least all of it that did not go on the Duchesne River on an excursion. Those who went there are Orl and Doat, Horace Stevens and Nam, Fred, and Lu, and Ben Mitchell and Clarisa Stevens. Thyrza, Pearl and myself were the only ones to represent the female portion of Buttermilk. We went to the dance Friday night and I guess had enough fun for all those who were not there; at any rate every one seemed to think it was the best dance they had been to for a long time in spite of the music. Saturday Thyrza & I and Pearl went to the childrens dance, after it was over we returned home but Thyrza and I went to Selena’s to get some flowers to wear to the dance again that night.
Seeing a crowd in front of Carpenters store we decided to go to Nancy’s and view the fun. Saw a couple of sack races, six or seven men in each race, and then returned home. On our way we saw Ward Stevens and Ed Hortin in aunt Mary’s lot. I don’t know whether they saw us or not, but they turned their horses and started away. We quickened our pace in order to get to our house so we would not have to meet them on the road. We were going around the corner but seeing the dust up the road we became suddenly shy of meeting them just then, so dodged through the gap in the fence by the coal shed and went in at our front door. #1 [The boys stopped their horses at the gate and Thyrza started out of the back door to go home. I grabed her sleeve and pulled her back with the half commanding half beseeching ejackulation, as I did so, of _____ “Thyrz come rigth back in here don’t for goodness sake leave me alone.” I at last succeeded in getting her stationed on the lounge in the kitchen, while with a promise to stay there while I went to answer their knock. I think we knew their errand and our actions were not because we did not want to go to the dance with them, but because we were rather bashful on such an occasion for Thryz assured me that she was scared pretty near to death. I told her I was too and that was why I wanted her to stay. As I was saying I went to the door to meet them and Ed Hortin asked me if I would go to the dance with him that night. I promised to do so and at Ward Steven’s request went to summons Thyrza. She gave him an answer in the affirmative and so it happened that we surprised nearly all the people that night by walking into the hall with them. (Ed, and Ward I mean of course; not all the people). My dear reader – if you be even no one but myself – you will not wonder at the expression of “Oh how shall we receive them” “How on earth will we feel when we go in the hall” – etc., when I tell you that was the very first time I had ever gone any place like that with any one in my life. Eighteen years old too; some girls my age would consider me somewhat behind the times but we girls never have been so soft as other girls (yes we call it positive soft to think that one must have a beau and all that sort of thing at sixteen years of age.). When persons get to be eighteen and nineteen years old we consider these things all right, or at least if it is not carried to excess, and we think there is quite a bit of solid enjoyment in going out with boys occasionly, but one thing we have always despised and never could see any enjoyment in, and never could se how some girls could do, is to go out with boys and let them walk or sit with their arms around them; such actions in our opinions are disgusting and are not becoming to ladies and gentleman.] #2 [After things are settled between a couple and matrimony in view there is plenty of time for such things, then – but I will just give a statement of how I want my affianced husband to treat me in such matters. I don’t want him to be to awfully affectionate in his actions to ward me for then I would get tired of him, but he can show his affection in a quiet gently manly manner. He must positively treat me with all the respect that he could accord to any one, without being over bearing and superfluous in his acts of politeness. I don’t want him to feel strung up or anything of that sort in my presence but I want to feel free and easy with him and I want him to feel the same with me. When he caresses me he must do so in a true and sincere spirit and then not go and caress some other girl and drive as much enjoyment therefrom, but above all he must love me and place implicit trust and faith in me. IF these traits be deep, true and sincere I think that I will be satisfied. Unlike Gorcon in his piece of “How I want my wife “The wife I want,” I do not want an angel, a god of perfection, for I am far from reaching that height myself, and if you please my husband must not be as high above me as the angels are, but only a little way; just so I can look up to him and feel that he is strong and true and, in time of need, that he is something that I can rely and depend upon, that I can trust with the dearest thing in my life and one who will not betray that trust, but will shield it and derive pleasure and even joy from it through life. Enough of that.]
Sunday I was pretty tired but I got up at eight oclock, took a cold water bath and went to Sunday School. Frant (?) Williams came down in the after noon and staid til night. She is the funniest girl I ever saw. She done hardly any thing but fool and scuffle with Sam (?), and she hinted at him so hard that at last he took her home. Ben took us all for a short ride in his buggy that night. First me, then Thyrza and Frant, and next Lizze, Thomas and Pearl.
August 6th 1897.
All of the crowd except Thryza and Nan went to a dance Friday night. We were exepcting them to come also, but when we arrived at the dance and I found that Thryza was not coming I told the girls I knew I was going to have the blues and I did succeed in having them pretty well too. The Oakley people, because of a tip over and a general smash up did not get to the dance till twelve o’clock. Along to about the last I, as usual, began to rouse up and ended in having a pretty good time. Ed Hortin asked me to go a ride with him the next Sunday. Sunday Edith Keler came down and we got some horses and Uncle Dod’s buggy and Nan, Pearl, Jean, Thyrza, Edith and myself went for a ride. Just got the horses put away when Ed Hortin and Jim White came for us. WE went down to Oakley, had a swing and arrived home at half past eleven, having enjoyed our ride very much. WE both heartily dislike Jim White and Thyrz declares she has gone with him for her very last time. Went to dance in Uncle Silas Hall last night. Didn’t have a very good time and came home at twenty minutes past twelve. We are in hopes Oakley will not come up next Sunday for as we jestingly put it, we want a day off and believe they do too.
August 17th 1897.
Well contrary to our hopes, the Oakley boys did come up Sunday and having asked if they could spend the evening with us, Thyrza, Jim, White, Ed Hortin and myself with Rob, sat in aunt Mary’s North room and played cards. Ma came up and nearly frightened me to death by wanting me to go home with her. For some reason she seems to have taken a dislike Ed Hortin and she can’t bear the thought of me being with him. When she left she told me to come there a minutes and I followed her from the room. She said if I done as she wanted to, I would go home then. That settled my fun for the night, for I went contrary to her wishes and remained where I was; yet I think if she had known she would rather I had stayed there with the crowd who came in later than to have gone home, for if I had done so he would have come home with me and having come up with Horace Stevens he could not have gone to Oakley without him so we would have had to sit at home alone and in the dark too as we were out of coal oil and none could be ha din the stores. They went away and we went to bed at twelve that night. I forgot to tell about Saturday night. There was a dance but we did not go. The Pack boys and Horace Stevens and Ed Hortin came to our house from the hall. We played pomp for a while on the lawn, then went up on the county road and ran races after which we walked up to the Point and sat on Thorn Creek bridge and sang songs. Returned home and staid up till half past one. We thought the crowd was never going to leave that night and Lizzie gave them a pretty broad hint to go, but like sensible people they took it in good port and gassed about it. Last Sunday we went to the swing for a while, then Ben, and I and Lizzie Thomas and Dan Williams went to Harry Mitchels in one buggy, while John Hoyt and Nand & Parley and Emma Hoyt went in another. There was a fruit peddler there and we ate water melons, cantaloupes, peaches, apples and tomatoes until we were nearly sick. Got home at twelve or a little after. #3 [ It seems strange I know write about pleasure and then pass directly to sorrow, but such is life and we never know one day what will happen the next or whether we will be happy and cheerful or filled with dismal sorrow, and is not joy and sorrow strangely intermingled in this world of ours anyway? A baby girl was born to Hattie and Bert last night at seven o’clock, but the little one was badly deformed, its feet being very crooked and a portion of the spinal column missing. I did not see it myself but Thare and Eva said it has the sweetest face they ever saw and dark curly hair. They say that she was dying and sent for Pa. He blessed her and gave her the name of Done [???]. He prayed that if it was the will of the Lord that she would live and be healed but if not that she would pass away without pain. The folks said that Bert helped to hold her and he sobbed until they could hear him all over the room. Hattie seemed very brave. They said the babys eye remained open all during the blessing; after it she fell to sleep. They took her to Hattie who kissed her then the little spirit passed away having lived only two hours and a half. Hattie and Bert are one of the sweetest couples I have ever seen and they seem to almost worship each other. It seems very hard but I have o doubt it is for the best.]
Nov. 19th 1897.
My poor Journal, how I have neglected you, yet how often have I been determined to write, yet and as often through the pressure of events and my own laziness have I failed to do so. There has not been apparently any change in my own life since I last wrote, people here come and gone and I have drifted along in the old old way but not without company.
Yes, though there has been no change in my life except in an occasional change in my thoughts and feelings, there has been a change in the lives of some who are very dear to me. Maggie’s life has been blessed by the advent of a tiny boy who has found its way into all of our hearts. He was born on the 30th day of August ’97, and has been named Basil Lowry Williams. The husband who should have been by her side through all the joys and cares of life has proved himself unworthy of Mag and she now says that the love she once had for him is dead. They have, as far as known, separated for good and there is talk of a divorce. Thare too, has returned to Vernal with a husband who is very much her inferior, one who has proved himself so small and unmanly as to arouse a feeling of dislike and distrust in all of our hearts. Whether she will live with him much longer or not remains for the future to disclose. Ott and Eva have named their little daughter Deonn, (I don’t believe I have mentioned this before). Ives and Ivy have named theirs Mignon. May and Will are not destitute of the blessings that have been given the other couples that I have mentioned for they have a little daughter born on the 26 day of October and they have given her the name of Madelon. Yes and there is yet another Ida (Inez’s sister) and Chauncey Whiting have a daughter born on the 24 day of Octber and they have named her Inez. Keeler’s folks have left Kamas and intend seeking another home. They told us they were going to Glenwood but some think they have gone to Mexico and wish to conceal it in order to escape Mr. Hatch, who is continually persecuting them for the payment of debts. Well that little spell of—what shall I call it?—between Ed Hortin and myself has seased and he has now transferred his attention to Em Burbidge. He has become, or may be always has been for all I know, so he can hardly ever come to dance without drinking, if breath counts for anything, and I think it is disgusting.
As heretofore we have attended quite a number of dances, and, oh yes!, Inez and were in Salt Lake for a few days last month. Saw all the folks there, also Ward and Clarissa Stevens. WE went with Thare and Fera to his old home and saw his half brothers, two of them, They don’t seem to be possessed of many bad qualities that Tera is in possession of. Albert Young had just returned from a mission to Sweden, from which he was released on account of bad health. Of course Inez and I got smitten with him but that was nothing and we are all over it now. He gave us a piece of Sweedish bread that he brought with him and mine is up stairs in my box now. The boys and Lizzie and Liv, are in the canyon. Pearl is in Salt Lake going to school. Ma is in Salt ALke too, and Mag, Pa and I, are home alone. Mag and I have quite surprised ourselves by raising money enough this week to go to three theatres and Ben took us to a fourth. IT was the Albert Hormer and Miss Hattie Rose Co. The first night they played “The Plunger. It was no good and they had a very poor house all the rest of the time they were here. The second night was “The backwoodsman. It was lovely and I don’t want to see a more lovely character than the Backwoodsman, David Crockitt. The third night was “East Lynn” and the fourth “Young Mrs. Wirthrop.” Oh that play was grand. Such lovely characters such a Douglas Winthrop. If characters really existed in real life, as noble and grand as they do on the stage, my heart would be through life, one tattered broken wreck. As it is, my heart is nearly that but but it will only remain so a day or two longer. ‘Oh Theatres, Theatres,’ were you formed only to rend the hearts of innocent country girls? Were you formed only to make them dissatisfied with their old hum drum life and long for the association of characters like those your represent or were you formed to raise their ambitions and thoughts to a higher and nobler sphere and cause them to wish to make their own lives worthy of association with those characters worthy of a true regard, love and respect from all. Yes I feel that we were formed for the last, yet ah! you come, brighten our lives for a few short nights, rend our hearts by causing us to fall in love with one or two of your representatives, are gone and we are left more desolate than before. Then this gradually wears off and the smooth, monotonous stream of every day events rolls steadily onward carrying with it our thoughts, our love, our hopes, our fears, and our life. Oh that I were given power to break the monotonous bands of dullness that envelopes us in their folds! ah that I could raise, raise, on the filing clouds of fancy to my gorgeous castle in the air and there live hapily, beautifully merrily by until the lords of life are revered, until I float on the wings of death to my home in Eternity. Yet I am wrong, wrong, I feel it, I know it, and I would that I could ever bear in mind the watchword “This Life is what you make it.” But I do not always feel like this, oh no, no! for if I did I would begin to think life almost a burden. It is when I feel like this that my thoughts long to express themselves in words, that I feel more competent to write, hence the reason that my journal is filled mostly with sentiments of this kind.
Dec. 30th 1897.
Inez and I are now alone in our little cook house in the Canyon. Supper is over and we have just finished the dishes and swept the floor for the night. Inez is now making our bed and the and the stewing of the apples on the stove and the ticking of the clock form kind of an accompaniment to the scratching of my pensil as I endeavor to transfer my feelings to paper. It seems very odd, when I stop to study over it, that Inez and I are here, the only females for miles around, cooking for a dozen men. A short time ago we would have considered this next to impossible. We are in a very lovely spot in the Canyon. Tall pine trees hem us in on all sides and exclude from our view most of the surrounding country. Looking to the East (North to me for I am somewhat turned here) we can see through the long vistas of pine trees, the outlines of a pine covered mountain, and away to the Northeast a more lofty one, caped with snow, towers above the intervening trees. We arise here at half past four or nearly five o’clock. Our fire is soon roaring, we having started it with a large pile of shavings prepared fo rus by the boys the night before. Though in great haste to prepare breakfast we can scarcely resist the temptation of stepping to our cabin door and enjoying the fresh morning air and the beautiful scenery. O! would that I were given to the power to fully describe the scene that greets our gaze, but alas I truly believe that its grandeur and the sweet feeling of that come with it can be appreciated only by those who view it with a heart filled with the love of Nature; But O! let me shirk my duties in doors for a few moments and you come with me, my heart and my thoughts, and let me again view the scene and attempt to paint a small portion of it here so that in after years I can read and with the aid of my remembrances live over in fancy the position that I now occupy. O! my girl associates we have thought our lives dull, but when the true side is presented to our view the side of love, of purity and freedom from rending sorrow, what a contrast do they present to some lives that are brought within our knowledge. But come, thou companions of my lesior and solitary hours, and together we will wander; while the shade of night still linger, started not, by faint streaks of dawn; from our little cabin door and view the world without. My invisible companions do you behold how Mother Earth ahs doned her mantle of soft white snow? Ah yes; it lies around her form in fold here and drapes there most suited to show her charms as she basks beneath the soft lights, and smiles & tears of Heaven. And the trees too, covered with myriads of sparkling diamonds and with branches laden with snow cast their weird shadows on the snow covered ground and sigh and moan in the soft night air. Still upward we look to the to the starlight starlit sky, the sparkling ethereal sphere that arches so gracefully o’er us, where, too, the full wintry moon, the Queen of Night, sails glides onward and continues her faithful vigil o’er the world. Thou, O sky, form the boundary beyond which mortal eyes can not reach, but I find my companions, my heart, and my thoughts are have still wandered onward upward and are trying but, oh how vainly to explore the realms of Eternity. Ah! Yes I feel that the beauties of eternity are to bright for even mortal thoughts and recalled to duty at last I once more enter our cabin and now breakfast read and the men come in one by one and all are seated once more at the table. Seven o’clock and the shrill shriek of the mill whistles proclaims the working hour. Dawn has crept over the land and dispersed the mystic beauties of night. 9 o’clock and the mountains and trees are bathes in a golden glory as the sun rises from behind the mountain and its rays trip and dance from tree to tree and at last peep in out little window and extend in a brilliant band across the floor. Our lesior time in the after noon is usually spent in reading but occasionally we feel inclined to go for a walk so follow one of the roads to a great distance. Now up short-steep hills and again down in deep hollows. The country is very uneven and one can go scarcely any distance without suddenly coming to wide deep hollow or a steep hill. Day before yesterday Inez and I followed one of the roads till we came to where Tom and DeMalin were getting out logs. They were busy and we did not let them know we were around, but we wrote our name in the snow and they knew we had been there. Today we visited a place which the boys call the Park. We followed the drag road in and out through the pine trees until we suddenly came to a small round valley bordered by pines which grow so thick that they look almost impenetrable when viewed from a short distance. IN the centre of this valley is, we are told, a small round lake which, in the Summer time, is covered with yellow water lilies. The lake is frozen over now and the now lies in one white unbroken sheet over its surface. We walked out in the centre of the valley, wrote our names in the snow, laid down and made our prints in it and returned to camp, home, laden with pine bows with which we have decorated our house.
The mill which stands off to the right of the cook house and is surrounded with sawed lumber, and logs, does not stop running till half past five P.M. By that time it is dark, and I cannot express the sweet sense of enjoyment it vies one to walk on the logs in the yard, listen to the puff and steam of the engine and watch the sparks as they come from the smoke stack and descend in a shower on the shed and fallen trees. It is now bright moonlight and the slab pile is set on fire each night. A glow, so softly beautiful, so so enchanting to the senses is produced that it almost makes one feel that they are in Paradise. Supper over and the dishes done, we seat ourselves around the stove and spend the evening in a lively chat with the boys. Of late we have got in the habit of playing joker on each other, such as placing molasses on the bench for the mill men to sit in and turning cold water down each others backs when we are least expecting it. De Malin, Will, Tom, Inez and I had a merry round up last night. De staid with us, after the rest had gone to bed, to make us a soap spoon because we had broken ours in the scuffle. We got into an argument on Woman Suffrage. We, neither of us, are experts at arguing and, we hate very much to admit it, but he came out victorious. When we found Inez & I were going in the canyon and that De Malin was going to be there, we were gassing with Nan and Thryza and told them we were going to try all our powers and see if we could not get a partner for the Christmas dance. The one that failed was to take a backseat and try her luck with Will Pierson. Of course we had no intentions of doing any such thing but girls will talk you know. Well we have lots of fun gassing with each other about him now, I tell Inez it is time she was trying for Pierson for I went to the dance with him last Saturday night, Christmas. We went to a dance Friday night too and he asked me to go with him while there. We are quite disappointed tonight because we thought we were going home to-night after work, and all of the boys that we have fun with here have gone down from the canyon, so we feel pretty lonesome. We came up here Dec. 13th, went home to spend Christmas. Came up again on the 26th and are going home tomorrow to spend New Years, after which we will come up again. There is a large lake not far from here, which, those say that have seen it is very beautiful. There are tall cliffs on one side of it and it, alas, is surrounded by pure trees. We have been prevented from seeing it on account of the snow being so deep, but are in hopes we will see it soon. We declared to-day that we are coming up here in the Summer if we have to come alone and walk every step of the way.
March 28th, 1897
How times does slip by and yet we hardly seem to realize that months and even years are rolling on and that ere long we will be compelled to lay aside our youthful pleasures and done the somber mantle of middle age and yes, even the gray hairs of old age. Well, “Look to to-day and to-morrow will take care of itself,” don’t let the petty cares and trials of life prevent you from making to-day one that you can look back upon without, as the saying is, hating yourself. I have been going to write in my Journal for a long time but have let other things prevent me, but I am started at last and I pay it much, will begin by telling how our time has been spent. Dancing, yes, quite a good deal, I wonder what we would do for amusement if dances failed us. Mondays we generally have to ourselves. Tuesdays, Young Ladies meeting must be attended to. Wednesdays, our Social Literary and industrial Club, (by the way I must tell of that.) While Inez and I were in the canyon the girls got together and organised a club with Lulu Knowlton as President; Emma Burbidge, Vice Prest; and Ronda Parke, Treasurer. We meet at the houses of the members in turn and the time is spent in, first, sewing for the hostess or the poor. Then we have a supper which is limited to a certain number of dishes or eatables. We then hold a meeting in which we have debates, songs, recitations, essays, speeches, etc. We have now started a story, I was appointed to write the first chapter and each one in the club is to write on to it in turn, I think it will be quite a medley. When we go to every house are thinking of stopping the sewing except for the poor and in cases of necessity and devote more of our time to advancement. Thursday Religion Class, Fridays, Primary. I am the second counselor in that. Friday night there is very frequently a dance. Saturday we have to ourselves. Sunday now anyway is a very dull day, although I go to Sunday School (I am secretary in that) and meeting (I am assistant organist in that). The young men have organized a club and named it the Young Mens Social Club. They meet Tuesdays and Saturdays. A while back, in October I believe, I wrote an essay to the Young Womans Journal entitled a “Trip through the Rockies.” I received as a prize for it eight books bound in cloth. The books are The Scottish Chiefs, Kenilworth, Romola, Hypatia, The White Company, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Ivanhoe and The last days of Pompeii. We have done little else it seems to me, the last two weeks but practice songs for concerts. Miss Wirth and the Y.L.M.I.A. got me up which came of last Friday. Thyrza, Em Burbidge, Inez and I dressed in white dresses that came nearly to our knees and sang a lullaby song. We had our dolls and we have received quite a few compliments on our appearance and our song also. My dress was made in mother hubbard stile with a pink yoke. I wore a pink ribbon sash and my hair hanging in ringlets (not natural). The other girls were dressed the same but with different colored yokes and sashes. Inez & Thyrza wore blue and Em wore red. There will be another concert next Wednesday for the Y.L. Stake treasury. I guess, but I don’t know for sure, that we girls will sing a song in that also. Well it is bed time and the most interest part of my summary is untold. Oh I don’t know as it is very interesting but it is something out of the ordinary run of my existence here to fore. To state it I must go back to New Years night. Oh it is nothing only I went to the dance again with De Malin. Well I done something more which was quite surprising to the rest of the people though I don’t see anything very strange in it. I went that night after the dance home with the Rockport people, spent Sunday and Monday there, went to a dance with them Monday night and came home with De and Hattie M. Peck Tuesday Morning. Got there too late to go to the canyon where I should have done so Inez and Thyrza went up and I had to wait five days later. Well, let me see, after we came from the canyon we went to dance in Lamberts hall, the Rockport people were there and De Malin asked me to go a sleigh ride with him the next Sunday. We went to Rockport and spent part of the day. Well in short I have been to quite a number of dances with De Malin and three theatres since I came from the canyon. I done something too, which many look to some as doing exactly to the contrary from what I have always said I would do, and that was to come home from a dance with any one with whom I did not go.
Well I think there are cases where this may be permitted. I went to a dance with Lizzie and the rest of the folks, there was oyster supper to Hugh Evans and I went there with De Malin. He asked me to dance the medley with him (now some may think that strange, but in a country town like this where you are well acquainted it is not) I was dancing a quadrille and Lizzie came and told me they were going home, I tried to get her to stay but she would not, so De asked me if he could walk home with me and I told him he could. Now was that very bad, besides I think if he had been in the place and had a chance he would asked me to go to the dance with him anyway, if it had been otherwise it would have been different. The folks seem to think it was all right so I don’t care much what other people think. Well when I write such things as this it sounds rather cranky to me but as I am writing in my Journal I guess it is allright to put in it what you do and anything you want to. Well I read in the Coalville times a day or two that he has gone to Murcur and I suppose that is the last of it but that don’t worry me any if it is for thank goodness I am not a fool yet and don’t expect to be for a few years yet. Now that sounds rather strange what I have first written but I understand how I feel now even if other people who, by some chance may ever read this, don’t, and I feel to-night and all the time in fact that I would be a fool if I let such things worry me this early in the day for what am I but a kid although I am nineteen years old. Some times I imagine I almost hate every boy that ever lived outside of the relatives but of course that is foolishness and there are many nice boys in the world yet, we have met many and hope to meet many more. I have no great fault to find with anyone I can think of at present and I like a good many people too. I said a time ago that it was bed time and it is more so now so good night. Orl is going to get up at four o’clock in the morning and I have got to get his breakfast.
May 14th 1898
It seems to me that almost every time I feel that a thing is going to turn out one way, it is sure to turn out the opposite, especially if I want it to turn out the way that I feel it is going to. Now instead of staying at Murcies or some other place equally as far away as he should have done, of course De Malin had to come home of course there was a dance here shortly after. He wrote to me asking for my company to the dance; (Apr. 14th). When a girl has gone with a boy a few times she hardly knows how to tell him “No” if she wants to ever so bad. That was my case and I went to a theatre and he came to see me two Sunday nights. I hardly like to offend him yet. I sometimes think that if he would give the chance I should like to do so very much, for try as I will a feeling of dislike for him keeps up with in me and it grows and grows until I don’t know hardly what words could express the feeling. His very name, is so hateful to me that when I write it there I is a strong desire within me to tare the leaf into fragments. This I suppose is very foolish, but, as I have said before, it was never my nature nor that of my chums to care over much for the boys. I believe that if I had never gone out with him, I could always have liked him as a friend but as it is I don’t know whether I will ever like him again or not. And oh! (I can hardly keep back the tears as I write it) the girls say that I am changed, I have grown more unlike the rest of them than they like to see, I am drifting away from them and don’t enjoy their company as I used to. Inez told me this the other night after we had returned from Religion Class. There was a bright clear moon and we had seated ourselves on the lumber to enjoy a good talk. She say they, Thyrza Janie & herself had talked of it, and they said they would tell me of it sometime. Said they did not blame me in any way, but they had all noted and commented on the change. Oh! what a feeling of lonliness and sadness came over me, for, although I noted a change in myself, not toward them but I don’t know how, I fancied that they had changed to and never dreamed that they imagined me in any way alienated from them. I cried, I could not help it. We had a long talk and I told her that if appearances should go against me that the change was not in my heart and I made a resolution there to return, or do all in my power to return back to my old free other self. I know what has made me change. It is having an escort almost every place I have gone since Christmas when the other girls have not. It is being separated from them and being compelled to go kind of by myself, that is not having them always to be with me.
I know the cause, next things is to remedy it and De Malin can go to thunder. I was to have gone to Henifer with him last week to a ball game and a dance, it stormed and he did not come for me, of course they did not have the ball game but I think it would have been a great deal more gentlemanly in him to have said something or made some excuse for not coming. Of course he is in Rockport but he could have written. I have not seen him since he asked me to go to Henifer and oh I hope, and I pray that he may never ask me to go any place with him again. Ben is on a mission to Virginia. We girls got a letter from him the other night.
June 27th 1898
I have succeeded in doing what I had a desire to do, I have made De Malin mad at me, and I am thankful for it too. He came up here the 29th of May and made excuses for not saying anything about not going to Henifer when they intended to. Wanted me to go with him then, for they were going next day. I told him just what I thought of him over that affair, and that I could not go with him. I was mad for I had attempted to escape him that day, and I kept getting more mad. He asked me if he could come up the next Sunday. I said—“Oh—I guess so,” in a way that implied just the opposite. That settled it and we had a regular set too, he said if his company was distasteful to me that he would not bother me any more. It old him it was very distasteful to me and I never had liked any thing of the sort and preferred the society of my girl associates as I had had it in the past to any one’s society I had met with yet. Of course lots of other things were said and he made a long speech (I have forgotten what) which ended with, “So its good by. I laughed at him and told him good afternoon. He didn’t answer me but walked to the door and was gone before I had time to say “scat.” I don’t know but that I would have said it though if I had happened to think of it.
I am very glad this job is through with for I have been dreading to write it for, it takes the flavor out of the other good things I am going to write. When I think of that affair it brings such a hateful, mean, disagreeable feeling, almost of loathing that I have striven very hard to banish it from my memory and, thank goodness have almost succeeded in doing so. Even so I draw a mark now to separate it from the pleasant things I am going to write. ———————————————————————————————————————————–
Lizzie and I took Mrs. Thomas’s horses and our new buggy that Pa has just purchased and went to Salt Lake after Pearl and Lizze Thomas as their school was out. We started Thursday morning, staid in there Friday and came home Saturday. It was rather lonely going in with just two girls and we almost held our breaths when we would pass crowds of men working on the railroad in Parleys canyon and they would smile and raise their hats to us and try to act smart, but we enjoyed ourselves just the same. Friday forenoon we did Co’s washing, went up town in the afternoon. Pearl and I went to Mrs. William’s, the place where Lizzie Thomas was staying. I met a person there that I had desired to see for some time because Nam, Pearl and others believe he is in love with Lizzie Thomas, and /I believe he is also. I liked him very much and could not help but feel a partiality in his favor but that may be because of my love of romance. I do love to meet and get acquainted with strangers, but would like it much better if I could only talk. Too much silence, I sometimes feel is my greatest failing, I wonder if I will ever overcome it. Pearl Lizzie and Co went home in the buggy and Lizzie Thomas and I staid up town intending to go down to Marves on the car, at ten o’clock. Went up town till dark then went back to William’s and ate supper. Left there at twenty minutes to ten and Helma Lumberg and Al Williams (I had forgotten to mention his name before) went with us to the car that was to take us to the Theatre corner from where we were to take the car to Marves. WE were just in time to see the car going without us we started to run in order to catch it and could have done so but Mr. Williams stoped us and would not let us run. I could not help but notice a smile of satisfaction on his face when we would wait ten minutes for the next car, for I felt a firm conviction that we would miss the nine o’clock car at the Theatre and think that he knew we would. Perhaps he wished to prolong his time with Lizzie. While we were waiting he and Lizzie went a short distance to a store to get some lunch for our journey home and Helma and I sat on the bank of the creek and talked. By and by the car came and Al said he would go to the Theatre with us in case we should miss our car. When we were within about ½ block from the corner the car stoped for quite a length of time and Lizzie proposed that we get off and walk the rest of the way and perhaps we would be in time for the car, but no, Al was going to ride the rest of the way. (I call him Al because that is the name by which all of us have been used to call him when talking among ourselves.) Of course the car was gone and we walked into a drug store to wait until the eleven o’clock car should arrive. Al excused himself and left us there alone but returned presently and told us to come on. We asked him where but he would not tell us so we went out with him and found that he had hired a livery stable rig to take us home in. Lizzie was quite vexed with him and told him so but he insisted that it was his fault that we missed the car. Oh how I did enjoy that ride spinning along over paved streets, under electric lights and every thing so new and strange. Just what I had longed for. When we reached Marves I told him this was the place but he appeared to be deaf, dumb and blind and drove steadily onward so I said no more. AT last Lizzie asked him if he hadent ought to turn up that street so he did but persisted in running by each road that lead to home, which occasioned quite a delay in having to turn around and get on the right road again, but we arrived there at last and after bidding him good bye entered the horse and went to bed.
Chunk and Parley took us to Oakley the next Sunday. They and Inez, Thryza Pearl, Nam and I went in uncle Johns buggy. Had a nice time. Chunk took us down to Woolstenhulme’s the other night. We were invited down to spend the evening. There were four strangers there, two Mr. Robinson’s and two Mr. Andrews. We spent the evening in singing, playing games, cutting up and eating ice cream. Deanie Dunford is here now. She and Thryza, Inez, Jean, and I , went a ride down to Okaley last night. IT is a very pretty place and Denie fell in love with it. We had already done so. Got home at one o’clock. Well Orl and Iva are going to be married next Thursday the 30th of June. We girls are going to play base ball with the Marion (Denmark) girls on the 4th of July, are busy every day practicing for it. Will have to tell more of coming events when they have become a thing of the past.
July 18th 1898.
Our base ball game did not come off, the Marvin girls failed to get their nine and we had to give it up at the last moment. The wedding was a success in every way, there was one hundred and one people partook of the super, 23 people came from bear River and Bountiful. We passed the Fourth in much the same manner that we usually do. Deanie Dunford is here, has been for about four weeks. (I believe I have mentioned her being here before.) The morning of the 5th fifteen of us started on an excursion to the mill. There were vie boys; Ben Mitchell, Parley, Fred, Horace Stevens and Tom; and ten girls; Lizzie, Lu, Nam, Pearl, Lynn Keeler, Lil Mitchell, Inez, Thyrza, Deannie & myself. We had a fine time, rode over awfully steep hills, horseback, and visited three lakes. I have mentioned two of these lakes before. They were just lovely. The largest one, as I discribed it before, has cliffs on one side and is surrounded on the others by pine trees. We found an old raft that the boys had built last summer, moored in the edge of the lake. We boarded this and went for a sail. When Horace Stevens, Nam, Thyrza & I were on it, Horace stood on one edge and tipped the raft, being old and rotten it could not stand the strain and came to pieces. Nan fell off into the lake, but succeeded in grasping the remains of the wreck and drwaing her-self onto it. The rest of us managed to cling to the logs and escaped being wet all over, we were wet nearly to the waist however, and after quite a drag Horace succeeded in getting the raft to the shore. We went behind the trees and rung our skirts while the boys built a fire and then we stood around it and dried ourselves. The last day we run out of provisions and were pretty hungry on our way home, so we stoped at the left hand fork, cooked a chicken that the boys had killed, bought bread, butter, cake and milk and had a dinner that tasted fine after our fast. Got home at dark. Edd Groosebeck and Le Dinwoodey are out here from Salt Lake. We have had a fine time since they came. Have been out very late for three and four nights handrunning. One night last Tuesday, after Y. L. meeting we met the crown on the street and started for the point. We reached there and started to climb the hill. Le & Chunk we leading and we climbed and climbed until we came to the top of the hill. There we built a bonfire out of sage brush and seated ourselves around it to enjoy the night. After a fruitless tease to get the crowd to go home, Nan suddenly took it into her head to go alone. If the boys had imagined that she would have gone they would not have let her go, but she went down the hill over rodes and through brushwood, reach the foot of the hill, waded Thorn Creek and after scrambling through fields and over fences reached home at on o’clock. Thyrza, Frank, Inez & myself tried again to get the boys to go home. They would not so we started off to-gether, Deannie said if she had thought that we would have gone she would have come with us. We reached home at ten minutes after two, Chunk and Denie, at ten minutes of three and Rob, Edd & Le did not get here till six o’clock in the morning. Day before yesterday night, Saturday, The crowd went for a horseback ride. We started for Oakley. Some of the crowd turned back when we got nearly to Denmark but Chunk & Deanie, Le Dinwoodey or Dinne of we call him, and I went on. Went to the grove at Oakley, had a short swing sat around for a few minutes and returned home. All the way down we were gassing Dinnie about being so quiet. We rode quite a distance ahead of Chunk and Deanie, as our horse was somewhat swifter than theirs. When we were riding along, Dinnie took me quite by surprise by opening the following conversation. But I must wait until later to relate the conversation as I will now have to go down stairs and help with the washing.
July 19th 1898.
Just as we were outside the fence that surrounds the grove on our return from Oakley Le Dinwoodey opened the conversation I have mentioned by saying
“Were you ever in Love?”
I answered—“Yes, lots of times, that is I have been in love with people on the state, that is with the characters, not with the people as they are off the stage.”
“Oh yes; but I mean with people around you, people you have been acquainted with.”
“No—I think not.”
“Well, now you know what makes me so quiet; don’t you?”
“Oh! Are you in love? Is that it.”
“Yes I am in love but I guess the girl will never know it.”
“Why don’t you write and tell her?”
“I wouldn’t have to write.”
“The wrost of it is, I don’t believe she cares for me, at least she won’t do anything I ask her to, now, she wouldn’t swing and she went off down the the pavilion. She wouldent even hug me to keep me warm.”
“She was ersel (??) wasn’t she?”
When we were at the grove it got a little bit chilly and Le said he never saw such funny girls as there are here in his life, they would let a fellow freeze to death. We told him that we had always heard people speak as though it was the boys place to keep the girls warm. We gassed like this for quite a few minutes. Deanie happened to make the remark that she wishes our seat had a back on it. Le said. “Lean on me.” Of course she would do no such thing. After a while when we were all seated in a row, Chunk said he was going to use me for a pillow and he leaned his head against my back. Deanie leaned over on him and as a matter of course, Le leaned on Deanie. Deanie said she had to fight with him to keep him fro holding her hands, he wanted to keep them warm. I think this was mostly Deanie’s fault for she had her arms around his neck. I couldn’t see any necessity for that, and though I am quite positive that she doesn’t mean any harm and that she would be just as disgusted with a soft person as any of us, yet she is what one would call an innocent flirt and she does some things that I don’t think I would do if I were placed in like circumstances. Well to continue our conversation after a few moments silence.
“I guess Denie will never know that I cared for her. She treats me so cool that I would never tell her. Now she wouldn’t lean on me to night when I asked her to and if she had cared any thing for me she would have done so.”
I became so ticked that I couldn’t help laughing and I thought I would have some fun gassing him. I thought he was gassing at first but he talked to me so seriously nearly all the way home that I don’t hardly know what to think of him. If he is in earnest, as I am inclined to think I pitty the poor little crank, but if he thought he was stuffing me, as I am also inclined to think he is off his bace and I don’t think he could tell by the way I talked to him whether Ib elieved him our not. I am certain he and Edd came out here with the intention of having lots of fun with the girls for the each brought a book with them. Co of Vanders, meaning Why do you wander, or some such name, I don’t know whether I spell it right or not. They have teased and teased Nan and Denie to read it to them. Nan must read it to Edd and Denie must reat it to Le, no other arrangement will do because two is company and Three is none. They must have planned this before leaving Salt Lake, also why would they have brought two books of the same kind. Le told me he had been trying to get Denie to read it to him. There is some love and romance in it he says and that is what he wants her to read for then she will know better how to act or how he feels or some thing. I don’t know exactly what. I don’t know myself what kind of a book it is, but it was just published a year ago. I should like greatly to read it. Edd and Le have gone to the cnayon for a few days now and have taken the books with them so that the girls could not read them while they are gone.
I will continue the conversation let see where did I leave off? Oh! After he said Denie would have leaned on him if she had cared for him I said,—
“You haven’t read many novels have you.”
“No, neither has Denie or she would know better how to treat me.”
Don’t you know that a girl would be lots more apt to lean on a person she did not care for than one she did? because she would not let that person know she cared for him for any thing in the world.
“Denie is not like that, she is a girl that will do whatever she wants to do. If she had wanted to lean on me she would have done so.”
“I don’t think so, though Denie does pretty much as she wants to I don’t think she would in a case like that.”
“I had hoped that Denie would go a ride with me but I didn’t dare to ask her.”
This was rather an odd position to be placed in, to be told plump and plain that your company was not appreciated, but I didn’t care the snap of my finger whether he wanted me with him or not and I let know it, I said—
If you had wanted Denie to go with you, why did you not get ahead of Chunk and ask her.
“She would not have gone with me if I had.”
“You don’t know, maybe she would.”
“Do you think Denie cares for anyone?”
“I don’t know. I heard her say once, though, that she was gone on three or four and all that worried her was that she would not get them all.”
“Heaven pit me then, for there is not much chance for me.”
“Do you think Chunk cares for Denie or is it kind of a cousinly love he feels for her?”
“Oh! I think it is just for the time being they will both get over it after a while.”
“You can be of aid to me in the future if you will.”
“Tell me how. I am willing to do all I can to help you in order to partly pay you for the trouble I have caused you to-night, to pay for treating you so badly.”
“Well then find out if you can what Denie thinks of me but don’t’ let her know that I told you to do so.”
“All right! I’ll be kind of a go-between is that right.”
“Yes, that is it, that’s what I would like you to be.” I have been trying all week to find some one to tell my troubles to. It does a person good when they are in trouble to confide in someone and have some one to talk to.”
“Yes it does Who are you going to confide in tomorrow night.”
“In no one. I have found someone now and am satisfied. You will not let her know what I told her will you? You will not betray my confidences.”
“No I will not mention it to anyone.”
At difference times on the way up, Chunk & Denie would catch up with us. Once Chunk asked us what we had been talking about now. I told him Le had just been telling me what made him so quiet. HE asked me what it was and after hesitating a second I said, “Oh he is sleepy.” I did it for meanness and I know Dinwoodey was on pins for fear I would tell them the real cause. After we got ahead again he said, “Don’t make a break like that again.” I told him that was not a break but I would not do it again.
When we reached home I told him I was much obliged to him for the ride, I had enjoyed it if he hadent. He said, oh he had enjoyed it and we would take another some time. So I could tell him what success I had had with the possessor of his heart I suppose. It was ten minutes after one when I got in the house. There were two bycicles on the poarch & I wondered whose they could be. I asked Ma and she told me Fay and and Mr. Jensen had come from Salt Lake. I was glad they had come for I have always liked Fay and the possibility of meeting a stranger was very welcome to me although I am such a crank nearly all the time when it comes to talking. They left at nine o’clock the next morning though for the canyon where they were to seem some other boys and they had to be back at Salt Lake at 8 o’clock Monday, so I didn’t get to see much of them. Mr. Jensen was dark, quite a good looking fellow, very pretty eyes and about twenty one or two years of age. The consequence of their leaving was that I had the blues all that day, as I always do when anyone leaves the town. Well that day I happened to drop a chance remark that I didn’t know hardley how to take Le Dinwoodey. The girls wanted to know why and I said, “He talked to me so curious last night.” That caused their curiosity and they teased and teased me until I let out what he had said about confiding in me. That night Thyrza & I were counting up the crowd and we said if we two would go away there would be just an equal number of girls and boys so we went together and walked in front of the crowd. She commenced to tease me and said it would not hurt to tell her for she would never tell. I began to think that by some remarks that Le made he did not seem to care who I told just so it did not get to Denie. I told Thrza that if I knew for sure that he was not trying to stiff me I would not tell her for anything. And if I had thought that he really did feel that he wanted to confide in me that I would not betray his confidence. I got to thinking that he was nothing but a kid and I almost a stranger to him and that that even if he was in love with Denie, as I really believe he is, he had just been talking to me for smartness or to make me think he felt that I was a good one to confide in, so I told Thyrza I would tell her and Inez but no one else. While I was telling her Nan came and commenced to tease me but I would not tell her. She said “Well I know what it is, for Edd has told me all about it. Dinnie is in love with Deanie.” Then she told us what Edd had told her and I told what Dinnie had told me. Then Parley came up and told us he knew what we were talking about. Non said if he would tell us what he knew she would tell him what we knew. I said “Nan you will do no such thing.” She said, “I will for Edd told me and he didn’t tell me not to tell, and I have a right to.” So she told him and we all talked about it together. All Parley seemed ot know was that by some of Dinnie’s remarks, he was in love with Denie. Now the ones that know it are Thyrza, Inez, Nan, Pearl, Lizzie and Parley. I am sorry I said anything about it now, still I don’t feel like I have done anything so very bad. I hope he don’t know I have told it though. I asked Denie how she liked him and have heard a number of her remarks. She says he would be soft if anyone would give him the chance. If he ever asks me about it I will tell him, I think Denie likes him as a friend and a person to make up a crowd and have fun with but I don’t believe he would go any farther in regard to her feelings toward him. The Sunday before Thyrza and I walked with him in the crowd and he came where we were seated in the new meetinghouse window and asked if he could sit between us. We talked about different things that night. He made a request to be called Le, Mr. Dinwoodey was so formal. He has since made the same request to others. That is why we do not call him Mr. Dinwoodey.
July 26th 1898.
Ed and Le came back here from their fishing trip last Tuesday the day I finished my last writing. They had lost their horses and came here to get others to hunt them on. They left again Wednesday morning as also did Jean and Deanie. The two later have gone to Salt Lake. Jean intends to stay quite a while. We got a letter form her last night. She seems to be having a good time. We also got a letter from Edith Keeler, poor girl she says she is getting more lonesome every day clear off down there in Mexico. The night before the boys and Jean and Deanie left we had another celebration. We gass Lizzie Fred and Lu telling them that we young folks are going out to celebrate and they can stay at home. WE have been out quite a bit lately without them and have had a better time than if they had been with us, not because we do not like their company but because they being much older than we, we naturally took to them to lead when we are with them. They will not get out and tare around like we do and we can have fund doing things that they would never think of doing. Ed & Le found their horses in the stray pond in Salt Lake and they returned here last Sunday the 24th, & are here now. Yesterday we celebrated the 24th of July. The Park boys and the Kamas boys played base all. The score was 24 to 28 in favor of Park. Bonds band from the Park played in the dance at night. There was an iminese crowd there. It seemed that almost half Park City was over. Had a fine time danced with Prof. Younger the dancing master, also other boys from Park. Mrs. & Miss Hanson from Park are here visiting with us. They have been here on week. There is going to be another dance to night, West will play.
I have written all this & still no word of the affairs of our Nation. The Spanish Nation has been for some time at war with the Island of Cuba. Cuba being close to the United States and fighting for independence from a nation whose oppressions they could no longer stand naturally called for aid from the U. S. Some of the suffering outrages from the Spain and the U.S. Battle ships, Maine is sent to the Havana harbor for their protection. The Spanish officials have it anchorage in the harbor over, as it was found, a submarine mine. On the night of the 15th of Feb 1898 the mine was twitched and the ship was blown up, and all on board were sent to an untimely grave in the bottom of Havana Harbor. This act of treachery on the part of the Spanish roused the deepest feelings of the American citizens and war against Spain was declared. Trolinkers were called and many of our own Utah boys are now marching under the Stars and stripes in battle array, some at Cuba, some at the Philippines Is. There has been many lives lost and 25 Spanish vessels have been sunk & one American. One land battle in Cuba resulted in the surrender of the eastern part of Cuba to the U.S. the battle was at Santiago. I would like to write more but space in this book will not permit so I will have to wait until I get another, but though I am neglectful I am deeply interested in the affairs of